Breaking Away

Through a small crack I peer. The world outside my world is technicolor, so different from the black and white and shades of grey on the walls where I reside. A beckoning light shines through the crack. My nose picks up a faint wiff of fresh air. That slight sample invigorates my body. I'm hooked. I want, I NEED more.

I push against the walls of my world with all my strength. The crack widens. The view reminds me of Dorothy's first view of the land of Oz -- everything joy and sunshine. While I know this new world must also have its dark side, I've never seen anything as brilliant and amazing as its light side.

Pushing again on the walls of my world, this time I feel them pushing back. Chaos, rules, grey skies, finances, overburdened schedules -- they all scream at me as I attempt to push them away. They tell me that the grass always looks greener on the other side. I'm safer where I am. It's too risky to venture outside the safety of my caccoon.

I balk at their warnings. I know all about taking risks. Most risks I have taken have led me to a better world, a better life. I take a deep breath as I feel the strength rise in my body and I push away the walls of my world. I'm now free to step out and enter my new world.

Home Away From Home

I've taken so many journeys in my life. Some have ended at glorious pools of refreshing cool water. Others have kept me running in circles never to find an end. The ones I find most enjoyable are those that take me on a spiral path. With each turn I have the opportunity to gleen wisdom from past experiences and use that wisdom to face what's ahead of me.

One particular journey was very disconcerting. It ended at a dimly-lit crossroad. There I stood in the middle of the intersection, barely seeing the roads before me, not knowing which path to take. I stood there for years. I was afraid to take any particular path and it be the Wrong path. It wasn't until after I made a choice that I realized that no path is ever the Wrong path. There's always something to learn down every lane.

This latest journey, starting here in Duwamish Bay, feels different from my other travels. I am scattered, chaotic, anxious, ungrounded, and uncentered, oh, and a little lost, too. I feel almost as I did at that crossroad so many years ago.

I've settled myself at the Duwamish Inn. I haven't gone out to meet the rest of the travelers who are obviously enjoying each others company. A smile is brought to my face just by hearing the song of their infectious laughter. I'm not ready to step out into the group. I feel mussed up....on the inside.

For now, I'll listen to the laughter and excited chatter. I'll let it wash over me, bringing calmness as I catch my breath and settle in.